Starting to think, I can feel my hand tremble as I type, how can time fly by so fast without me knowing it and soon tomorrow the day when I turn 15, funny, I feel lost I cant get my thoughts together I don know if I should feel happy or sad about it. And suddenly I feel that im not making use of my time right, I have lived my 15 years with a lot of self-doubt and sometime I lose myself I betrayed ME many times, I cant think straight, I feel up-tight, I forgotten allot of things. And most of all I fool around so much I don know what is important anymore I cant trust myself or anyone else there would be someone billing on me, myself. I know 15 is nothing much but I can feel myself getting older, physically and mentally on one can understand how hard this is for me, I want to so badly start over again and I want to start now, I heard from some book or something that a 13 year old girl is different from a 15 year old girl, still figuring out what it means, i have grasp half of it but still lost. And now the reason for me to type all these emotionally crap is partly because of my hormos but I realise this is the time where I can be true to myself. I will say everything I want and blame it on pms but it’s not crap its real, me laughing, crying and being angry over small stuff is all real not pms. Now it’s not weather people take me serious, its me talking me seriously.

I think the bloody vampire book and some thing to do with my sudden emotional outbreak but never the less I really do mean it, and sometime I wonder if I will be emitted into asylum haha!

Alright its been a very long while since I blog on this empty website, today is the last day for the 14 year old chelsea, like a butterfly creeping out of its bloody cocoon,

THE BAND I RESPECT THE MOST FOR NOW THAT IS.

LINKIN PARK!


Not because anyone is cute or what so ever. It because in their song and video "what ive done" had a really great impact on me, you should know what I mean. Im not a obsess tree hugger, I just want to do something and I have no fucking idea what issit until miss Wendy told the class that we would me the one passing the message that our school will be wearing green on 6/7/07 haha! I feel that this might be it. Although its nothing much but I feel happy.

And specking of happy there’s lotsa things that make me happy.
1) Buying the new moon book after searching in many book store
2) My friends trying to crack their nut, thinking about what to buy for my bloody bday
3) People listening to me when I conduct
4) The consern from my friends
5) Feeling a smile on my face for no practically reason
6) My life feeling so perfect
7) Not worrying about stupid stuff
8) Sitting at my balcony looking up at the beautiful sky, red clouds during sun set, lovely moon at night.
9) Sitting outside my secret place with my headphone on
10) Talking about everything

I don’t need any materialistic shit to make me happy its just makes me feel worst about the money blahblahblah... haha

Even the songs I listen to now have mature, the book I read are different, the thought in my head have changes, and my impression of certain people have changes too. All these changes scare me.

time flys
1:04 pm